Let me just die instead.
You
know that kind of pain where you don’t name it.
You
know that, don’t you?
That
pain which doesn’t let you let go,
That
pain which doesn’t let you bid bye.
And,
that pain, which hurts you.
I
don’t know, he just kept running somewhere,
As
he called it,
He
said it was for me that he was panting and running,
And
in the end,
I just never got to
know if he was running towards me or away from me.
Ever.
But
weren’t you running away from me?
Weren’t
you running away from that “forever”?
Maybe,
just maybe,
You
never loved me.
They
say, true love’s never second guessed.
But,
wasn’t I your choice?
Your
priorities were all high, and are still high.
I
still miss you,
.
.
Idiot.
He
comes to me with this smile to handle me carefully,
But
why do you want to break me now?
Isn’t
how you broke me already enough?
Maybe
you aren’t shedding tears right now, like I am.
Maybe
you aren’t holding yourself tight and pretending calm, like I am.
Maybe
I’m not on your mind anymore, when you read all of this.
He
came to me and he asked me to stay strong once.
He
came to me and he asked me to kiss him so that I would feel better.
He came to me once, years ago, and he cupped my cheeks slowly,
Looking
anxiously for my permission,
And
I swear, I haven’t slept properly since that day.
And
he came to me once just to stand beside me and love me.
He
came to me and he asked me to,
Just
try loving him once.
He used to look at
my lips every time before we kissed and he used to just take care of me.
You hugged me tight
that day after those days of separation and you just looked at me,
You just looked at
me like I was everything.
And,
The
same lips I’m craving now once called me,
“Something.”
I
doubted him and he came to me again.
Over
and over again.
And
again.
But,
baby weren’t you the one to put your man power down and start pondering towards
my strength slowly?
And
weren’t you the one to show me that forehead kisses are everything?
You
are.
And,
you were the one to show me that even a cubical elevator could contain
emotions.
You
were the one to show me that even tears were a way to capture you.
You
were the first one to tell me that I was in love,
With
another crazy idiot.
And
you were the one who taught me
Infinity.
I’m
dying. Now. I want you.
I
want you to sing to me once again like how everything was so perfect before.
Don’t
you ever think I’ll leave you,
You’re
already in the trap.
For
me, the beautiful castle
And
for you,
The
prison along with me.
Do
you not get it?
I
fucking love you, idiot.
I
love you.
And
I have always,
And
I’ll forever.
I
love you.
